By Colleen McCarthy-Evans
You can start right in practicing forgiveness, the next time you’re searching for a parking space at Trader Joe’s around 5:30 p.m., and instead of cursing that hugely pregnant mother of at least two already, who just cut you off and took the perfect spot that was rightfully yours, you choose instead to offer her the Namaste bow, and send her blessings for a joyful and fruitful shopping and birthing experience.
Another great exercise to try, is when you inadvertently (or advertently) come across your kids’ drug paraphernalia while vacuuming their rooms which you said you would stop doing years ago, you remind yourself that we are all on a sacred path, and just as you would not judge the lack of maturity of a preemie baby, you will not condemn or take personally this behavior in those you gave birth to (while experiencing the most excruciating bone-crunching pain that you can mercifully no longer recall in any detail) no matter what their current level of maturity might be.
To expand on this exercise, you might imagine these young adult children of yours far in the future, as strong and confident contributing members of society (like a few 40 or 50-year-olds you know) making their way reasonably happily in the world ~ hopefully, that is, not based out of your home. And you may notice, that while they have outgrown their drug habits, just like you did, they have picked up a few other bad habits along the way, just like you did. But, they love and care for their children and spouses, pay most of their bills on time, and still call you just to say hi once in a while. And you may note, that they still call you to say hi once in a while, in no small part part, because they know on a subconscious level, that at some point in the distant past you forgave them all the recklessness of their youth.
It might be helpful, as you are practicing forgiveness, to recall one of those guys, one of the several, that broke your tender young girl’s heart. That is, ripped it out of your chest and stomped on it like so many Tuscan grapes. Picture him as he might be now, old, gray …maybe scabby, and perhaps you go so far as to write him an ‘I forgive you’ letter, that he will be genuinely moved to tears by, while reading at the maximum security prison where he is currently incarcerated.
Now take a minute or two to picture your parents, who by the age of 30 had way too many offspring (courtesy of the Pope’s preposterous position on birth control), children who they were sincerely attempting to raise together in a god-fearing household without much money under one roof, and imagine all those pairs of saddle shoes to be polished, socks to be darned, bangs to be trimmed, splinters to be tweezed, and cavities to be filled, and then you might finally understand that the various concepts and substances they used to medicate themselves, may have actually saved their marriage and the lives of a few of your siblings, not to mention your own life.
And while you’re at it, how ‘bout you give a general shout out “You’re Forgiven!” to the various teachers, friends, coaches, family members, acquaintances, agents, publishers, and partners, who over the years failed to see the brilliance in the thing you drew, wrote, painted, sang, danced, spoke, thought, pitched, cooked, served, or volleyed in their general direction. There’s just the slimmest chance it wasn’t quite as brilliant as you may have thought.
And then take another minute to think about God and all He or She might have had on His or Her plate last Tuesday when you used His or Her name in vain. And perhaps the next time you consider making some ridiculous request of God, like you did last Tuesday to wreak some serious havoc on that unsuspecting pregnant woman in the parking lot, just remember that in a dozen years or so, she is going to have several teenagers living with her, and that is punishment enough.
And then please take a minute to ponder this: This is life. This is how it rolls. There are gonna be a whole lot of people to forgive along the way. So you might do yourself a big favor and start practicing today.
Hey, you could even start today with someone easy, like maybe…your own darn-sweet self.
POST SCRIPT: No longer merely a religious or spiritual virtue, research in the last 15 years is suggesting that forgiveness has some tremendous health benefits, too, including but not limited to: improved immune response, lower blood pressure and lower risk of heart attack, reduction in chronic pain, stress and depression. All this, and you get to keep your Fettuccini Alfredo!
Contributed by Colleen McCarthy-Evans
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